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The teenage years can be very troubling for many parents as their children act out. Some of their actions may cause them to stay in jail. Read on to find out how you can deal with this situation.
There are some phone calls that a parent dreads hearing. One of them is of their child calling from jail, asking for help. It can be from drinking too much or something worse, but the dilemma is something that parents don't want to face.
Here are some tips on how you should deal with your teens so that they won't end up in jail:
Notice the Warning Signs
One of the things that you need to learn is warning signs. An arrest and ending up in jail doesn't just come from nowhere. There will be hints that your teen is facing internal struggles. This can be something as simple as lower grades or small transgressions. They may seem small in the beginning, but you will need to take notice of them since they can lead to further problems in the future.
The signs may not even be overt. For example, your teen might be spending too much money. Being extravagant is not wrong, but from where are they getting the cash? This may come from questionable acts. Be observant so that you can head things off.
Consult with Teachers
The other significant figures in your teen's life are their teachers. You need to be in touch with them so that you can have an idea of what's going on. Your teens should be spending a majority of their time at school, and you don't usually have an eye into their activities there. That is why having a regular discussion with their teachers would be a good idea. Be active in the PTA and know the contact number of the school so that you can consult with them about your teen and his behavior.
Modern parenting has often been misinterpreted to just letting their teens do whatever they want. The best way to handle things, though, is to be stricter in your dealings with them. Set clear and reasonable boundaries and enforce them.
For example, if you set a curfew, then you should be strict about it. If they miss it, then they should be punished for it. You need to show them that you are the boss. Don't be too strict, though. Strictness aims to keep them safe and to show them that their actions have consequences.
This is where the bail comes in. When your teenager calls you up, there is always the option to bail them out. It is easy enough to get 24-hour bail bonds in Salt Lake City and other areas if you are short on cash. The main decision you need to make is whether to bail them out or not from their predicament. There are two schools of thought on how to respond.
First, you can bail them out and have an honest conversation about their behavior. Second, you can leave them in jail to learn a lesson. Both sides have merit, and you'll need to weigh on which side you think you fall.
Teenagers are not children anymore, and they are about to enter adulthood. You won't be able to shield them forever. That's why you need to do your best when it comes to them and their actions. Do your best to steer them in the right direction.
HOW PARENTS CAN BREAK THE BARRIERS WITH THEIR TEEN DAUGHTERS: USING THE LANGUAGE OF EMPOWERMENT
“That’s an interesting look.”
“Are you going out in that?”
“I was a Size 00 when I was your age.”
The comments parents make to their daughters matter. Oftentimes, the barrier of communication between parents and their teenage daughters is built on both sides. Mothers making offhand comments about their daughter’s outfits, hair or any other aspect of her physical appearance helps support the creation of the all-too-common walls between teens and the women they should be looking to as role models. The same goes for fathers, who oftentimes don’t know how the crack the teenage-girl code. There needs to be a better way to create an environment of open, honest and supportive communication between parents and teen daughters, that will give our growing girls the confidence to be comfortable in the skins they’re in.
The answer, says author and educator Naomi Katz, is to encourage young women to utilize language of empowerment. In her new book, BEAUTIFUL: Being an Empowered Young Woman (iBooks; March 8, 2016), Katz tells teen girls that it’s okay to celebrate the beauty within themselves and their peers. Touching on pertinent topics like social media, sexuality, peer pressure and even drug use, Katz emphasizes the importance of the words women use to describe themselves and each other in a culture wired to value physical beauty. With over 15 years’ experience working with young women in 4 continents, Katz can help parents learn:
- How to break the chain of insecurities that travels through generations
- Ways to approach their daughters about troubling issues such as sex and substance abuse
- A methodology for truly listening to the needs of teen girls
- Techniques to encourage body positivity during turbulent adolescent years
In an age where 75% of girls with low self-esteem engage in negative activities like bullying, cutting and substance abuse, the importance of a supportive parental structure cannot be stressed enough. Up to 70% of middle school-aged girls are dissatisfied with one to two aspects of their own bodies, with the time between ages 12 and 15 reported to be the worst. The adolescent years are some of the hardest that women have to traverse, and Katz has the verbal tools to help parents make the process of growing up easier for their daughters.
Written in the same vein of Peggy Orenstein’s seminal book, Girls & Sex, Katz hopes to broaden the conversation about the development of our teenage girls. In BEAUTIFUL, communication is key – not only to improving our girls’ sense of self, but for creating a culture of women who support each other.
My thoughts: I wish I had this book when I was a teenager! I dealt with a lot of what the author writes about in this book, the bullying (because I was shy), the body shaming (because I was extremely skinny with a flat chest) and the low self-esteem which was a result of my letting others decide how I felt about myself. I certainly wish I had the coping mechanisms that the author gives on how to think differently, remember your true beauty and worth, and not to let others 'define' the way you feel about yourself. You are beautiful!
Buy your copy of Beautiful-Being an Empowered Young Womanon Amazon
*Copy received. All opinions are my own.
Gawrsh, life has been busy! ( In a good way.) My oldest, Jonathan, who is almost 17 is busy with his music. He is getting ready to made a recording of a couple of his songs wih his band. He is a little bit sad, as his girlfriend (a girl I do approve of, thank heavens) left for Italy for a foreign exchange student program, and Jonathan is missing her. He doesn't like to hear me say the old saying, "Absence makes the heart grow fonder." But I don't think I'd like to have heard that kind of advice either, when I was a teenager 'in love."
And then my daughter, Kendallyn, (in the picture below dancing with a *gasp* boy at her 8th grade graduation.) She's certainly growing up. She just returned this past Friday from cheerleading camp at OSU. She LOVED it. She was so exhausted when she came home that she barely moved yesterday. I dont know why they call it camp, because it is all indoors.....in dorms. Anyways, the cheerleaders worked on routines for 12 hours each day.
So next, my daughter, Myelie who is 12........went to the Deschutes with her Daddy last weekend. She and my husband biked in 6 miles to fish for salmon. Myelie is such a trooper. She loves to do the outdoors stuff. They didn't end up catching any keepers, but Myelie did reel in two suckerfish. On Tuesday, Myelie and Kendallyn are set to leave for our church girls camp. They are kind of not excited for it, but I know they will have a good time. (I almost got kicked out of church camp when I was their age(s) for my naughty pranks...shhhhhhhhhh! I am lucky my girls aren't pranksters:)
But then, there's Braxton, whose every day behaviour pays me back tenfold for my naughtiness as a child. Just ask my dad about that. He'll be the first to let you know. (And he doesn't laugh at those memories.)
Braxton is having himself a fun summer, despite his tantrums. We take him to parks a few times a week. He gets to go swimming at his Uncle Shaun's apartments once or twice a week. He is learning to swim, or so he thinks. In sister's arms:) Yesterday, Daddy, Jonathan, Myelie and Braxton innertubed down the Clackamas River about three miles. Lots of fun times!
Every Memorial Day weekend, my family goes camping at a nice campground at Wikaiup Resevoir, southwest of Bend, Oregon. I am really not that much of a camping gal, but I do it for my kids. Good thing my husband was raised camping and is an Eagle Scout, so he knows what he is doing. His parents always set up their fifth wheel and we use a tent. It didn't rain much, but wasn't sunny either. The fish were not biting at all this year, but there was something different about the whole trip My husband's father was diagnosed with oral cancer last month. Although the doctors feel it was caught early, you just never really know what the outcome is going to be. My father in law is only 65, just retired a few months ago. He will face surgery in two weeks to have his jawbone removed and replaced by his femoral bone in his leg. It will be a major surgery. What is extra scary is that a high school friend of mine just passed away last Sunday of the same cancer. So we never know if this was one of the last camping trips my father in law will be able to enjoy. We took many pictures. Our campsite this year was right on the lake.
My little Braxton enjoyed running around on the lakeshore getting dirty as could be, throwing sticks and Ponderosa pine cones into the water for our dog, Banner to go fetch.
Myelie, age 12 enjoyed making forts, Kendallyn who is 14 was busy texting boys and Jonathan, my eldest, age 16 enjoyed chatting up his new girlfriend wherever his cell phone could get reception. I should have made my kids leave their cells behind, but I remember being a teenager. Sure, there were no cell phones, but I know where my mind was when I was a teenager.
Jonathan played guitar for the group (17 people in all) at the campfire. They were not campfire songs, but everyone was entertained by his amazing talent.
Today II'll mostly take a chance
To write my blog in poetic stance:
My world as Mommy changes each day:
The hairs on my head will surely turn grey.,
My oldest son has a girfrield he really does ' like..'
His demeanor has changed and he's really polite.
At 13, My Kendi ain't too much into boys,
She's still my baby who plays with her toys....
(well, not really, just her pets in our yard,)
And my eleven year old Myelie is such a card.
She's funny and bright and playful and sweet,
But there is Braxton, my boy who has barely turned three......
He is the one who drives me up a tree.
I love him and my other kids with all of my heart.........
but they certainly takes their turns as a "FART."
Oh, my how time flies! My baby boy, well, the one who is a sixteen year old aspiring musician.......(Jonathan) HE has his first girlfriend. He asked her out at school yesterday. The neat thing about it is that he came to us, his mom and dad, to ask us permission if he could ask this girlie out.. We were very proud of him for coming to us. He said hewas afraid at first of what we might say, but he was happy that we were 'cool' about it. He knows that we trust him. We have had conversations about sex.....NOT having sex before marriage, and he's cool with that.
I am very proud of my my boy. He is very mature for his age. It is just very new to me, I mean, I have never been the mom of a teenage son before:)
Today I took my daughter to a swimming party in our old town of Molalla, where they were greatful to meet up with old pals since we hadn't seen them for a few months. When we got to the pool I felt a slight twinge of guilt that I wasn't planning to take Braxton into the water, but quickly was reminded as to why I don't like to take him out to do anything much in public, as he threw a giant tantrum as we waved bye-bye to his sisters. Braxton, who seemed to fear the water at first decided he wanted to be in that water, NOW. He did one one his back arching fits, screaming at the top of his lungs, so I quickly got him out of there. In the car, he kept up his tantrum and tried to get away from me and crawled under the passenger seat so I couldn't grab him.
Well, I grabbed him, and it took me about ten minutes to get him into his car seat, safely buckled for the 20 minute drive home.
Gosh, I love that child with all of my soul, but he left me winded.
I had to run into Safeway on the way home, and Braxton wanted to ride in one of those racecar shopping carts. After I meticulously wiped it down with those handy sanitizing wipes, he decided to scream for another 'car cart' that he wanted instead. I gave in and buckled him in, and no sooner did I fasten him in, then he was screaming bloody murder to get back out.....luckliy the little seat belt in the toy cart kept him in almost long enough for me to grab a couple groceries, and two father's day cards......ones that I had no time to barely glance at. One for my Dad and one for my hubby.
I also grabbed a gift card for my dad, hopefully it was a good one! I had no time to browse before Braxton got free from the cart and took off running.
People were laughing and snickering, some probably thinking how such a horrid mother like me could not control her kid. Well, I can't! Sorry! (I'd rather have people laugh than yell at me for my 'lack of discipline.'
As for my teens, I'll elaborate more on that later, but sometimes I don't know which truly is more difficult, the teenagers I have who don't help me with housework and fight majorly with one another or my little guy's naughty public outbursts.........................?
My little boy is asleep now. Alas, now that I have time to blog, I am myself pretty tired. I did manage a shower tonight and I feel that I smell fresh and clean for once. I used some new products that I love and will soon put on my up and coming review page.
I feel pretty happy about living in this beautiful country of Estacada where that five acres we have are so green and gorgeous. We are living our little dream of having animals. I have a dog, a cat, a very sweet Muscovy duck who wags his tail when he sees us. I have for goats, two of which are so sweet they let my two year old hand feed them. ( The others are still shy.) Oh, and five baby chicks.
The evening was so gorgeous. My husband and oldest son rode the atv and dirtbike, my girls built forts under the pretty tall pine trees, and I took a couple of picds. that I'll need to post soon:)