It’s a sad reality that many American children have an incarcerated parent. The Annie E. Casey Foundation found that more than 5 million children have experienced having a parent in jail or prison at some point in their lives. This opens up a whole host of issues and problems that children have to deal with, such as feelings of shame, anxiety, depression, and anger.
It’s normal for children to feel a range of intense emotions when they learn that a parent is going to prison. They may blame themselves or think that they could have done something to prevent it. Such feelings, if unaddressed, can lead to behavioral problems, social withdrawal, and academic difficulties.
If you or your partner is going to prison, it can be hard to focus on anything else. No matter how short the sentence, it’s a major life event that will take some time to adjust to. But as you grapple with your feelings, it’s important to try to be there for your child as much as possible. No one truly ever knows what to do when a loved one goes to jail; but, as parents, it’s your responsibility to provide support and guidance to your child.
In this article, we take a deep dive into the subject, exploring the best ways to help children cope with an incarcerated parent.
Be Honest and Open
As parents, we like to think that we can protect our children from the harsher realities of life. But the truth is, they’re often more resilient than we give them credit for.
When it comes to dealing with an incarcerated parent, it’s important to be honest with your child from the start. Don’t try to hide what’s happening or make up stories about why you or your partner is going away.
Explain what’s happening in a way that your child can understand. It’s okay to keep some details private, but try to be as open as possible. This will help your child feel like they can trust you and come to you with any questions or concerns they have.
Make sure to give them space to process their feelings, too. It might take a while for them to come to terms with what’s happening, and that’s okay.
Let them know you’ll always be available for any questions they have, and encourage them to express their feelings freely. Whether they want to get mad, cry, or just be quiet, be there to listen, without judgment.
Reassure Them That They’re Not to Blame
It’s not uncommon for children of incarcerated parents to blame themselves for what happened. They may think that if they had been better behaved or done better in school, their parent wouldn’t be in prison.
Pay very close attention to how your child is acting and speaking. If you notice them withdrawing or acting out, it could be a sign that they’re internalizing their feelings of guilt and shame.
Talk to them about what’s going on and remind them that they are not responsible for their parent’s incarceration. No matter what they may have done, it’s not their fault.
Help them understand that their parent’s incarceration is not a reflection of them as a person. It’s important for children to feel like they are separate from their parent’s mistakes.
Help Them Stay Connected
One of the hardest things about having an incarcerated parent is the sense of isolation and loneliness it can bring. Children may feel like they’re the only ones going through this, which can lead to feelings of shame.
It’s important to help your child stay connected to their parent, even if they’re not physically present. If possible, encourage your child to write letters, exchange photos, and visit when they can.
If you’re unable to visit in person, consider setting up regular video chats or phone calls. Seeing and hearing their parent’s voice will help your child feel closer to them and ease some of the pain of separation.
You can also help your child stay connected to their parent by talking about them often. Share stories, look at old photos together, and keep them involved in family traditions.
This will remind your child that they are still a part of their parent’s life, even though they’re not physically present.
Build a Support System for Them
Having a strong support system is crucial for children of incarcerated parents. Whether it’s extended family, friends, or a professional therapist, make sure your child has people they can rely on.
Encourage them to discuss their feelings with someone they can trust.. This could be a grandparent, an aunt or uncle, a close friend, or a school counselor.
If your child is struggling to cope, don’t hesitate to seek professional help. A therapist can provide much-needed support and guidance during this difficult time.
Dealing with an incarcerated parent is never easy, but there are ways to make it easier for your child. Following the tips we’ve shared above can help your child cope with this difficult situation and prevent them from feeling isolated, guilty, and alone. Just remember to be patient, honest, and supportive, and your child will get through this tough time.
At the same time, make sure to take care of yourself, too. You’re going to have to be strong for your child, so you must not neglect your own needs. Lean on your support system, and don’t hesitate to seek help if you feel like you’re drowning under the weight of this responsibility.
Leave a Reply