Psychiatrist’s Tips for Coping on Valentine’s Day When You Are Alone

For many people, Valentine’s Day is a happy time celebrating their relationship with their loved one. For people who have recently separated, divorced or are widowed, Valentine’s Day is anything but happy and can actually be quite miserable and bring on some unpleasant emotional feelings. What are some best ways to cope?

Vinay Saranga M.D. is a psychiatrist and founder of Saranga Comprehensive Psychiatry (www.sarangapsychiatry.com) and offers these seven coping strategies:

• Celebrate with other single friends: Since Valentine’s Day is a day for couples, spend some time with your other friends who are currently single. This way the conversation won’t go into topics about couples or being in a relationship that could make you sad or uncomfortable. Do something fun like have a girl’s night in, eat dinner and watch a movie.
• Embrace the positive aspects of being single: Being in a relationship with someone you love and care for is wonderful, but focus on the perks that come with living the single life. You get to do whatever you want, with whomever you want whenever you want. You get to call all the shots and live your life however you want without having to compromise. Plus, always remind yourself it is better to be single than to be in a relationship with the wrong person.
• Look to the future: If it is a loving relationship that you truly desire, stop dwelling on the past and get excited about the future. Create more opportunities to meet other singles, whether that’s online dating or asking your friends to set you up. When you start to feel upset about not being in a relationship, remind yourself it is only temporary.
• Spend a fun day celebrating you: When your other friends are spending time with their significant others, spend the day celebrating you. Do something you really enjoy. Treat yourself to a nice dinner. Indulge in a spa day. Most people don’t spend enough time focusing on themselves, so this is the perfect chance to do so.
• Address your past: Sometimes in order to move forward, we have to address our past. If we hold on to the negative experiences we had and how they make us feel, it can be difficult to open ourselves up to new relationships. There are many great books on how to do this, as well as online resources. If you are really struggling with your past relationships, consider therapy with someone who specializes in this. There is nothing to ever be embarrassed about and you should feel good about bettering yourself.
• Allow yourself to grieve: A lot of people beat themselves up over experiencing negative feelings after a breakup. In fact, sometimes they try to pull themselves up too quickly. Grief is a natural process and it’s hard to ignore. The best way to move forward is to give yourself time to grieve and feel the brunt of negative emotions as uncomfortable as that might be. Don’t make it worse by trying to pretend you are fine when you’re really not.
• Volunteer: There’s no better way to boost self-esteem and feel good about yourself than giving back in some way. It’s also a very nice thing to do. Many organizations desperately need volunteers for a number of different tasks. You can even do these things virtually or at home. You’ll be making a difference in the lives of others while also helping yourself feel better.