If your family is functioning well but not growing together, you may be ready for more than therapy. For example, you may be in a good position for life coaching, for spiritual guidance or for a set of new goals as a group. This process can be extremely helpful for families that are growing their own decision makers; when the goals set by mom and dad are met or outgrown, change and growth are a healthy option!
Focus on Growth
You and members of your family may prefer to work with a coach. While a therapist helps you to process pain, a coach can help you to set healthy goals and grow. Like a coach on a sports team, regular connection and incremental growth are part of the process.
If you’re working with a coach, be prepared to create your own celebrations. Your growth as a family is the goal of a coach. Set your milestones and targets and be ready to celebrate as a group.
Keep the Emphasis on Learning
As you and your family set goals for healthy choices, family outings and even a vacation or summer fun budget, do your best to keep learning as a group. For example, you may set a goal as a family to eat better and get more exercise. Your group goals could include
- trips to the library for gardening books
- a bicycle safety class
- a cooking self-study class for healthy snacks and treats
Learning together and sharing skills and knowledge between the generations is a wonderful way to build connections between the generations. If the grandparents know how to garden, loop them into the process.
Tap Into Historical Pain
Family trauma is often passed along like eye color and genetics. Trauma can be passed from one generation to another. It’s important to learn how to break cycles in order to ensure new generations don’t have to suffer the same way their parents did. If you know that your family has suffered generations of pain, meeting with an intuitive life coach like Awakenings Guru can help you be the generation to stop the abuse.
This may require you to do some serious digging around the roots of your family tree. You may struggle to find information about old family trauma because there was once a great deal of shame around conditions such as
- drug and alcohol abuse
- suicide
- mental illness
However, many of the conditions that contribute to addiction are genetic. If you’re trying to be the generation that heals this trauma, awareness of illness in your past is critical.
Tools to Process Pain
Many of us are dealing with the symptoms of past trauma. If your childhood was rough, one of the greatest pains may come from the fact that the person who created your trauma is dead. It is entirely acceptable to feel relief when your abuser dies, but many abuse survivors feel guilt and shame instead.
Processing this type of pain doesn’t have to feel one-sided. You may choose to process this privately; for adults overcoming childhood abuse, building a safe and healthy future for your children may be the most important goal of your life. Understanding the Impact of Childhood Abuse on Mental Health can provide deeper insights into how trauma shapes emotions and behaviors, while understanding methods to help you heal in your own way. Sharing your story may not be comfortable for you. Tools such as letter writing, journaling and meditation can all disempower the abuser, reducing the pain of those memories.
Strive to Build Empathy
Different people grow at different rates. You may also be dealing with triggers from your own childhood that you are working to overcome to protect your own children. If you notice that someone in your family is struggling, it’s a good time to practice empathy.
Empathy is a stretch for many people. Because everyone processes pain and frustration in their own way, the ability to
- note when someone is anxious or upset
- own your contributions to their frustration
- listen to support, rather than to react
If you are a “fix the problem and move on” type of person, listening to someone process a tough situation in which they feel stuck may be frustrating. Remember that the ability to get yourself unstuck is a skill that you can share, but not until the person in struggle feels heard.
If your family is in pain or relationships are dying on the vine, a therapist can be a good start. Working with a coach or a guru can build on what you learned from your therapist.
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