It is not an exaggeration to say that the breakdown of a marriage feels like a bereavement. Whether you or your partner has initiated the breakup, or you have reached the decision together, you need to grieve. You are not necessarily grieving for the other person, but for the future you had planned out for yourself. The road ahead is now uncertain, and while that can be exciting, it can also be terrifying. If you are facing the breakdown of your marriage, this guide will highlight some key tips and advice that might help you to cope during this difficult time.
Accept that you are grieving
You are likely to go through several stages before finally being able to accept and process what has happened. Understanding and recognizing these stages of grief will be key to your well-being.
Initially, you may find it difficult to believe what has happened and may try to hold on to the hope that the marriage is not over. This denial can lead to anxiety and loneliness as you try to imagine what lies ahead. Anger is another natural reaction, especially if infidelity or deceit has played a part, and this is often the stage when disagreements about access to children or finances arise. This may be the time when you want to contact family solicitors to reduce the stress you are feeling and ensure you get what you are entitled to.
Next, many people will try to bargain with themselves, make promises, or compromise, e.g., “If I did X, maybe they won’t want to leave.” This is often followed by a period of depression and feelings of defeat or helplessness as the situation becomes more real before people eventually begin to accept the breakup for what it is.
Take care of yourself
This is going to be a difficult time not only for your mental health and emotional well-being but also potentially for your physical health. It may be easier said than done, but it is important to try and get at least 8 hours of sleep each night. When we sleep, our bodies and minds process all that has happened during the day, grow new cells, and repair any damage. Without a healthy sleep routine, we are more susceptible to stress and illness.
Exercise is important for maintaining a healthy body as it strengthens muscles and bones, boosts the immune system, and keeps your metabolism going, but exercising can also be a positive way to spend your free time from an emotional point of view. Exercise triggers the release of mood-enhancing endorphins. This can help to alleviate stress, anxiety, and symptoms of depression.
Meditation and breathing exercises can also be helpful when trying to calm yourself down and process the grief. In addition, keeping a diary about your experiences encourages you to confront and understand your emotions without the fear of judgment or the risk of becoming overwhelmed.
Get the right support
Your family and friends will be invaluable during this time, so do not be afraid to reach out to them when you need to talk through your feelings or just don’t want to be alone. However, it is probably best that you do not tell anyone and everyone every detail about the breakup of your marriage. While you might appreciate the opportunity to vent, there are some people, such as colleagues, that you should maintain boundaries with. In addition, some particularly private information about your relationship and your ex may not be appropriate to share. Consider contacting a mental health professional who will listen to any and all of your feelings and thoughts without judgment and with no consequences in terms of oversharing.
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