As we come out of the pandemic shutdown parents are rightly concerned about the lasting impact on our children. As with anything relating to kids, it’s best to look at the effects by age group.
For the youngest children, those that may have been born during this time or were young toddlers the most profound impact will be seen in the development of their socialization skills and their graphomotor skills.
Toddlers should be starting to learn how to interact with kids their age. They learn to share and play together. Nursery school, play dates, and outings at the park all teach young children how to interact, delay gratification, and essentially learn they are a part of a bigger world. Their developmental goal is to increase autonomy and gain a sense of self in a bigger world. Covid shutdown quickly curtailed any of this activity outside the home. As humans, particularly young humans, we learn through experience. Without the ability to interact with people outside our homes, young children would have missed these opportunities. Parents need to be aware of this and can make up for the lost time by very purposefully socializing their children. Parents need to allow their children to manage most of their fraternizing by themselves. Encourage them to work through sharing, taking turns, and learning to walk away from difficult kids. Toddlers missed life opportunities when they were younger when it would have been more appropriate for parents to step in. At this stage oversee but do not manage their lives for them. They must develop autonomy and self-regulation before they get into school.
The other area in which we have seen a significant impact on the youngest children is the development of physical and graphomotor coordination. Out of desperation families began to rely too heavily on television, devices, and phones to entertain their young kids. Nursery school teachers have been astonished by the lack of physical strength and coordination of their post-shutdown students. The lack of coordination severely impacts their ability to hold pencils or crayons, have the agility to stack blocks or even manipulate puzzles. Parents need to supplement their children’s activities at home to overcome this critical oversight. There is little developmental use for technology in a toddler’s life. In fact, it severely inhibits their motor development. Make sure you are aiding your children in this critical development. It smooths the way to so many of their academic, musical, or athletic pursuits, parents need to focus on re-addressing this area with their children. Any activities like cooking with you or putting away their clothes, coloring, holding their eating utensils, etc. all develop the little components of graphomotor coordination that is essential for successful learning in the early years.
If your children were older than 5-8 when the pandemic hit the problems are slightly different. Children in these age groups were greatly impacted. The closing of schools created isolation and significant learning challenges for this age group. Now that schools have re-opened and most extracurricular activities have returned to normal many children have moved forward with little trouble. However, we have seen a concerning escalation in social anxiety among children in this age group. The transition of school and socializing on-line left many feeling insecure about their surroundings, and their ability to focus and learn.
If your children are struggling to reengage at any of these levels it is important to focus on re-acclimating them slowly and purposefully. Parents should slowly add back activities as the child gains confidence and feels secure that they will remain healthy and safe. To overcome some of the reentry fear, parents must teach their children to think flexibly. Review how the uncertainty of the past two years has brought about some new experiences and some successes that never would have been discovered without the pandemic. Use specific examples, the smaller the better. As you reframe their uncertain experiences into successes they build the confidence to move forward piece by piece. The teaching of flexible thinking helps strengthen executive functions. Remind them that the ups and downs, ins and outs and almost, not quite struggles they were actually able to endure. If they could do that there is little they can’t do. Help them make a plane to re-engage and go step by step. Validate their fears but encourage them to keep trying. Work with them so they feel you’re a team and it gives them confidence. Say things like “let’s come up with some ideas or let’s make a plan.”
On-line learning was not easy for most students. Even if your child didn’t struggle to learn it’s likely their retention was great. Live experiential learning is necessary for about 90% of school age children and if you had any learning difficulties it was very difficult. Schools should be adjusting for the lost time academically but it’s important that you encourage your children to keep track of their homework with a planner they write in and seek one on one help from teachers and peers with anything that is difficult or confusing.
The most important piece of advice I can give parents of any age child is focus on the basics of live hands on interaction. Help your children build their internal sense-of self in real time with live exposures. Don’t be afraid to have them make mistakes or be bored. Encourage them to look inward and count on themselves. This will serve them through their life’s. The children that were looking to technology or social media for connection during prolonged periods of the shutdown are the kids that struggled. If we teach our children to focus on their internal values they will always have something to guide them, to return to. The reliance on external validation through screens on Snapchat and Instagram, leave kids constantly feeling left out and inadequate. Don’t allow your children to fall into this trap. Control their exposure.
If your child is still experiencing excessive worry and won’t engage in activities they previously enjoyed seek professional help. Sadness, anger, or anxiety that manifest in changed behavior should be evaluated.
About the Author:
Darby Fox, LCSW, is a child and adolescent family therapist in private practice in Connecticut and New York. With over twenty years of experience, she is an expert on parenting, child psychology, and family topics. Appearing regularly on-air and in print media, Fox covers a range of topics, from parenting questions and discipline techniques to current trends in child development. She has also collaborated with Meath Media Group to develop a television series called Fractured Family with Darby Fox.
Learn more about Darby @ Darbyfox.com and follow her on social media: IG | Twitter
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