Whether it’s a sober birthday, a bonfire, Barbecue, July 4th or graduation party, special events can serve as something to celebrate and create a sense of community. However, they also have the potential to trigger an emotional response for those recovering from addiction.
Supporting Loved Ones Through Their Sobriety Journey
How to Celebrate, Sober
By Karynne Witkin, Executive Director
Recovery. When we use this word to mean “get better” (instead of “get back”), we can apply it to myriad experiences. We can recover from a physical injury; we may also recover from the loss of a loved one; or, as 20 million Americans may tell you, we can recover from a history of substance use. Transparently, I’m the only one in my family who has not struggled with addiction. That’s a huge reason why I do the work I do. My life’s mission is to help individuals suffering with substance use and mental health issues find long-term recovery.
I know first-hand how difficult it is to support our loved ones who are struggling with substance use. Through my decades of personal experience and six years of professional work at California Prime Recovery, a substance use and mental health treatment facility in Southern California, I aim to fulfill my mission.
I got into this field for a simple reason: to help people. Today, I write to share tips so that you, an important part of your loved one’s journey, can provide support in a healthy way.
Tips for supporting a loved one who is recovering from addiction:
1. Talk openly about what your loved one may be experiencing.
Old environments or routines may be triggering for your loved one. Where we might have called for tequila shots before, we’re now giving a toast with sparkling water. While this may be something to celebrate, it can feel isolating or triggering for your loved one. Talk to your loved one about situations that may be triggering to them before they are expected. Opening the door to communication is an important way for your loved one to feel supported. Everyone’s triggers and comfort levels are different, so take the time to identify how your loved one is feeling.
2. Ask your loved one what sobriety accomplishments they want to celebrate.
As a family member, it can be tough to know which milestones your loved one wants to celebrate. Whether it’s having one day sober, or 20 years; every day looks different and brings new challenges that your loved one may or may not want to be celebrated. The good news is that it’s simple to figure out which milestones your loved ones would like to celebrate: just ask!
3. Avoid inviting people with whom your loved one has tension.
When planning family get-togethers, be respectful of your loved one’s boundaries. If your loved one has a destructive history with someone, wait until your loved one feels comfortable with their invitation. Going back to tip #1, the best way to navigate this is to talk to your loved one about what they’re comfortable with and to respect their input.
4. Refrain from blaming your loved one.
While in active addiction, your loved one may have caused emotional and/or physical harm to others. It is important that while your loved one works to rebuild broken bonds, we give them the time and space to make amends. Confronting your loved one before they are ready can be counterproductive or triggering.
A few things to keep in mind when supporting someone recovering from addiction:
1. There is support out there for you, too.
Finding support for you will help you support your loved one. Navigating the struggles that come with loving someone in active addiction is challenging, but you are not alone. Joining support groups like Al-Anon or Nar-Anon, can be very helpful for processing your feelings and drawing healthy boundaries with your loved one.
2. Remember: Support is productive; enabling is not.
In order for us to provide support to our loved ones, we need to draw and maintain boundaries. It is okay to tell your loved one, “no.” In fact, it’s important that you do. Allowing your loved one to experience consequences for their behavior is an important part of them learning how to change it.
3. Your loved one may get restless, irritable, distanced, or disengaged.
If this happens and you want to offer your support, make sure you first open lines of communication. While you definitely want to check in on your loved one, you want to be careful not to over-ask if they’re okay. Try to give your loved one some space and respect their boundaries. Sometimes, that’s the best way to let them know they have help and support when they’re ready.
ABOUT California Prime Recovery
The California Prime Recovery team is composed of talented substance use and mental health professionals. We are attached at the heart to present a sustainable treatment program for each and everyone that walks through our doors. We have dedicated ourselves to providing a treatment experience that provides individuals with the tools necessary to live a happy life free of substances and full of mental wellness.
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